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December 30th, 2009
moonhot97
 | 04:45 pm
Many thanks to everyone for all the good luck messages yesterday, much appreciated.
The hour's lesson before the test got off to the least auspicious start possible when I mounted the kerb within 400 yards of setting off from home. "That's exactly what you don't want to do this afternoon, not looking where you're going," was Peter's unsurprising comment. He tried me on a turn in the road with a car in the way, on which I managed to stall twice when moving away for the final leg. He then said they wouldn't put me in that position on the test, he "just wanted to see how I coped".
Had a few minutes' wait in the test centre, during which Peter chatted to a colleague who was there waiting for one of her students, before my examiner appeared. He seemed a nice enough chap. I was a bit surprised when he told me to get straight in the car, as Peter had primed me to expect to lead him for a walk around the car with one or other set of lights on; when, as soon as he sat down beside me, he made a mark on the paper, momentarily I feared the worst but kept my head clear. I had to do a turn in the road, and pulled it off without anything going wrong, though I wondered if I'd been marked down for over-revving up when setting off on the final leg. With half an hour gone the examiner asked me to do an emergency stop, I did an OK one, and he said "Thank you, I won't ask you to do another one of those." I couldn't help wondering what to read into that. Towards the end we did a parallel park; as it happened, that was the other move Peter had gone through with me during the first hour. That time I'd been too late starting to put the rightward steering on, but this time I did OK although I wondered if I'd feathertouched the kerb at the very end.
Finally we arrived back at the test centre and I managed to steal a quick glance at the examiner's mark sheet. I was just taking in that there didn't seem to be four faults in a bed anywhere; before I got a proper scan of the failure-offence columns, he saved me the trouble by telling me I'd passed. He did, though, tell me to stop braking where it says 'SLOW' on the road - "That just means ease off the gas a tad and be careful, and watch for the hazard ahead". In all I had five faults : two for appropriate speed and one each for gears, overtaking (I knew that must have been my sitting behind a cyclist for a while then overtaking him on the approach to a junction, safe though it turned out to be) and hesitation. He asked if I wanted my full licence sent to me; I said yes so he held on to my provisional ones and made me out a certificate.
And then Peter gave me a lift home. Obviously he was delighted for me, though he did observe that he was going to miss our chats about football - all his other students are women, none of whom are footie fans. "Well, now the expensive part starts," he said. "Tax, insurance, car maintenance, MOT, petrol..." We shook hands and wished each other Happy New Year and good luck.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) cheerful
Current Music: It Doesn't Have To Be by Erasure
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December 29th, 2009
mysteryfem
 | 05:00 pm - poll alert
4th time lucky! Technology striking again, sorry if anyone filled in the same poll previously but please try this one! lol
After i left mark and his digestion making him sick. I was with Tim whos digestion was making him sick! Jeez
Its usually me but i did have slight glee to be the one eating and drinking whilst the others could only be pityful heh.
Mark did have too much wine the day before, im not sure what tims culprit was! They are both coming out in good sympathy for me as i am almost constantly like it. Or its just that they are getting older, less active and the stomach just cant take what it once could on such sluggishness.
Id say give them more doses of that THEN i might have two guys that want to be more healthier and active on my hands. Yay lol
I wrote this poll literally ten minutes before i knew about pheobe so obviously didnt feel up to posting it but wanted to express other things and kept it private for a while. So feel i can post it today.
Poll #1504775 this past year
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 12name if you can two or more good positive things you have done or happened to you this year name if you can two or more bad negative things to have happened to you this year have you been/ended up in hospital for 'yourself' this past year? have you been in hospital because of a close friend or family member this year? have you fallen out with a friend this year? have you been on holidays this year if so where did you go? as a rough guess i want to see how it compares to mine. How many times about would you guess you saw your mum this past year? *if your mum is still alive of course* how many times at a rough guess do you think your saw your dad? *if hes still alive of course* do they live nearby or far away? count one parent or both depending have you cried at all this past year? please tick that applies. your health is: think hard not easy question lol. if you can can you name a food or sweet you had this year that you found you liked if so what was it? or they? Have you lost a loved pet/s this year? Have you gained a new pet this year? I have deleted a few lj friends the past while anyone can ask in comments why. My answer will be polite but honest. I want to make some new friends will any of you recommend any in comments? *let me know if you want screened*
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moonhot97
| 04:19 pm
Driving lesson before tomorrow's test. Pulled off an OK bay park and parallel park, but decidedly lumpy in places. Came round too sharp on the reverse round a corner and ran into the kerb. During the second half, when I went between two rows of parked cars, I was castigated for not slowing down enough: apparently I made an oncoming car brake and you can get marked down for that. At one junction Peter warned me about hesitating, reminding me you get marked down for that; at another I had to brake sharpish because the car turning in front of me had completely obscured an oncoming car from the left, which Peter still said I should have seen much earlier; at another, because of an oncoming car in the distance on the right, I delayed before moving, meaning Peter was exhorting me to go, then when I finally moved he changed to "Too late now" and I had to sit and wait. So at the end he told me to watch out for junctions, and take care to be alert enough to make the right judgment call as to whether to go or wait.
Fingers crossed that today's got the yips out of my system...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/blah.gif) blah
Current Music: Da Da Da by Elastica
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December 28th, 2009
moonhot97
| 06:22 pm
To Aunt Cynthia's last night for her birthday buffet. The major news of the evening was my cousin Jacqui and boyfriend Jim announcing their engagement. He'd proposed on December 12 by casually handing her an engagement ring while he drove along the A32 hurling abuse at other motorists. My cousin Sam (Jacqui's sister) and I quipped that there had to be an appearance on a TV or radio show about unusual or unromantic proposals in that.
For Sam and me the gathering was a chance to catch up, and we all partook generously of the food even though we'd all already been solidly abusing our digestive systems for the last 60 hours. When I talked to Jacqui and Jim, Jacqui said she'd seen my participating in the Rage Against The Machine For Xmas #1 campaign on Facebook. I told them I'd bought 7 copies of the RATM track from different websites. Jim asked if I particularly liked the song, and I said I still hadn't listened to the track in full, I bought the downloads just to make a non-X Factor Christmas number one. Jim shook my hand for that.
Uncle Ron put several bottles of wine out on the back patio to cool, since the fridge was full. Jim, Mike and I mused on that in the kitchen; I called it "God's fridge" and Jim said "The trouble with putting stuff in God's fridge is all God's people take it!" Happily none of the wine got thieved.
Went over to Westleigh Park this morning to catch the Hawk Travel bus to Bath. By the time most of the travelling party turned up the game had been postponed because of a frozen pitch. Malc asked what other games were on locally; I mentioned Newport IoW v Fareham but nobody else fancied a trip across the Solent. Malc phoned Galey who said he was going to Woking v Weston-super-Mare, so most of the assembled Hawks decided to make use of the minibus and head up to Kingfield. If I'd been healthy I might have joined them, or suggested a trip to Dean Court to take in Bournemouth v Torquay, but my cold was still playing up so I said I was off home. Malc dropped me at the station before turning back round to rejoin the others.
Sunday services on the buses today, so left hanging around Gosport bus station for half an hour till one finally came. Home for Carry On Cleo and Soccer Saturday.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sick.gif) sick
Current Music: Kenny Everett's Christmas Cracker on Radio Solent
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December 27th, 2009
mysteryfem
| 06:29 pm
Each time i write a new entry i feel like pheobe is becoming more and more in the distance. My entries about her go further down the page. It wont be long before she is on the next page and her entries of her presence in the world will be proper memories. At the moment it still feels a little bit like shes memory aswell as shes still here as theres a small part of me that cant fully register she has gone.
The other day i found tiny pieces of her furr and i put them in a little bag just to keep and tim looked aswell picked up a little bundle and we both managed a laugh as it wasnt pheobes bundle it was my accumilation of hair lol
We got sent a 'sorry for your loss' card from the vets. One of my friends had said in her entry that for her family when their cat had died the vets had sent a card with their cats pawprint on, i thought that was so lovely i wish we had thought of that.
Things have been really tense around here what with everyones stresses. Mark and i have had a good few rows. Just before christmas mark and i attempted to do a christmas food shop we had an arguement on the way and with him basically saying 'thats it ive had enough im taking you back!' and me shouting the 'good take me back i dont give a shit anyway i hate christmas and this year is one of the worst!'. I came back into tims after only being out in the car for just fifteen minutes or so. I said to tim 'im sure me and mark are not going to have each other in our lives soon we argue too much and the stress we both have to juggle is too much for either of us to help the other but its ironic isnt is that i may not know mark anymore but i genuingly believe hes one of the few that properly cares for me'.
Tim just sat there listening as he was wrapping presents. With that my phone went and it was mark saying basically for us to try again with the shop. The reason marks bunged me back at tims and i was saying i wanted to be bunged back was because mark thought i had raised my voice at him in an aggressive tone first and i felt he did it to me first and both of us feeling we dont deserve to be shouted at! lol
So with marks efforts of making the first move and my respect for that effort we went out again for the food shop.
Was fine enough and i also bought myself a couple of tops whilst we were in marks and spencers.
The next day, christmas eve my dad popped round to have his presents from me and he gave me his money in a card as usual. He gave me a bit more this year, maybe because he knew how much i spent on pheobe, not sure.
Early evening tim and i had a pizza and gave each other just a couple of gifts this year, gifts that were the start of our things for each other but we never got around to buying anything else what with events that led up to christmas. So i gave him a couple of dvds and some pj bottoms and he gave me the wii fit plus, a book on fatigue that i wanted and a cd.
It was a nice hour, the whole day i had spent frustrated on the net trying to sort my facebook account and getting nowhere because facebook just rarely reply but its just all automated waste of time!
Very late evening mark picked me up to sleep over so that i could get up christmas day at his.
I woke in a bad mood as guessed i would. I spent the morning on the net in bed still trying to sort my facebook and failing. I was getting so angry as for me and the OCD aspect of me i dont like things not completed or sitting in a balance and i feel because my facebook is there, the public can see it but IM not there it makes me feel horrible that it might look like i am igoring people and i have no control so my tension was bad to say the least.
I swapped a couple of messages with a few friends that were online and basically saying 'no xmas is shit for me' in reply as polite as i could to their 'are you having a nice time' lol.
By this point it was about 12pm and i was still in bed wanting to punch the laptop in for not coming up with a way to get in my facebook! lol
Mark came in the room and was trying to be helpful and i guess trying to keep my rising rapidly annoyance to a reasonable level but id gone to far, i was already fucked off to high heaven and depressed. Sometimes when i get so bad i dont know where to put myself and as mark was talking to me and i was getting snappy his tension was also raising.
We ended up in another big row i said something or more things to push it too far and with it getting so bad mark slung all the presents *mine wrapped for him and his wrapped for me* across the room that one at least ripped open but i didnt care i was already doing my 'fuck all this shit' bit attitude. And mark was telling me hed really had enough he wants me out of his life thats it! basically.
I put on my coat in my angry but il go with it look, just to irritate more push. My anger and unhappiness is soo bad that sometimes all years worth are seeping out of me from all places in the form of looking to be 'not bothered, who cares. To perhaps nastily sarcastic to push someone to carry on their anger at me' I dont know but its all 'nobody can help me so dont keep trying fucker tone' which is horrible because i know without that poor fucker to keep standing by me and trying to help my life where would i be! *not that im calling mark a fucker....well not as i type this or today anyway! lol* Just my language when im sarcastic or over angry.
Both mark and i ended up in tears and by the evening there we were opening our gifts to each other and we had had our dinner. But again i came across very ungrateful id done the chore of opening gifts and the something in me showed it was a chore and ungrateful and i felt bad at the same time. I got upset that i could see marks face looking hurt and exhausted again and it was at my doing so i kept going through a complicated motion of being hurtful aswell as wanting to put my arms round him for being sorry im doing it!
It was an awful up and down rollercoaster.
I will admit that day was basically all me, all my angry frustrated sad and whatever negative else there is to do with me doing its thing.
We did end the day fine enough and i was apologising but at the same time knowing i could just as easily snipe and snap again :-(
That day mark drank a whole bottle of wine lol
Boxing day my mum was coming up. Again i didnt want to get up but had to so i tried harder to put on some effort. I showed mum my entries about pheobe and i cried a bit as she did. Mark was sorting out the food in the kitchen.
The dinner was nice and we watched 'the march of the penguins' which i thought was lovely aswell as sad. It made me think of how hard their life seemed to be, so sad but aswell beautiful and it was stirring up sadness in me again even though i really liked the film. But i managed to contain my mood and we ate a bit more food and watched tv.
Mark said he felt hot and didnt feel quite well so went to lay on the bed for a bit. Mum and i just lazed on the sofa watching tv, we did the washing up then mum went by middle evening and said bye to mark through the doorway as he was still looking uncomfortable sat in his bed.
After a bit i could hear mark being sick in the bathroom and quite loudly violently so! I spoke through the door to ask if he was ok even though i knew he couldnt be ok! lol
He went and layed back on the bed and i asked 'is it food poisoning type sick and pain? flu/bug type sick and pain? or is it digestion troubles? I felt i knew it was digestion troubles because mark suffers with the same stuff i suffer with with regard t digestion and it can be horrendous and he sounded pretty horrendous! lol
He said it was the digestion stuff and we gather with all the wine he drank, the upset we had that brings up all the acid to its surface and a mixture of other things.
All i could do really is let mark heave and sick all the crap up and on occassions i went back to see if i could do anything. I suggested a hot water bottle as know this helps me slightly with relaxing the muscles. I got him some ice cubes to suck as know somewhat that can numb the hiatus hernia area and got a bit of milk to try and coat the lining but it was that bad nothing was going to stop anything.
From all the years of my stuff with how bad it was i knew the being violently sick and having to get the rest out on the toilet would be the joys of his whole night. I couldnt go to bed as it was that bad i felt i needed to be on standby to possibly take him to the hospital. Not because we didnt know what it was but because the sickness etc was so bad he was getting very dehydrated and i felt that as i believe i know what hes got at least being in hospital he might get those tests done sooner. But we just left it to carry on being violently sick and toilet problems should we say!
I didnt want to keep pestering mark as i know what its like when your sick i think its worse with someone hovering over you and besides hearing him was making me feel unwell let alone seeing the business! :-( lol
But at times he sounded so bad i had to go back just to check he wasnt about to keel over. I tell you he heaves louder than he can shout in an argument! lol
The stress of it even for me was making my heart bang. I also really wanted to go to the toilet and had held it for 3 hours. By this point it was about 4am. I went to check on mark again as the noises that were going on in that bathroom youd think there was a mass murder.
He told me not to come in as how do we put this 'its coming out of both ends without control'. And the carpet has received one end *il let anyone just take a guess which end got toilet or carpet!'
I thought jesus this is all topping the horrible christmas time off nicely but i thought i would try the humour tactic as i just had to wee in the gravy pot jug. You ruin your carpet mark, il ruin your jug all in the need of necessaties! lol Im a dab hand at aiming in a pot i think its the third situation now ive had to go in one! lol I did wonder that if mark staggered into the room seeing me weeing in the gravy pot would make him laugh even under his painful conditions.
By early morning marks stuff had subsided as knew it had to eventually and by my own experiences and think we both managed to have at least a few hours sleep.
Today as i type this its errrm a peaceful day? lol All is still and quiet even if all a lil tender.
I told mark also i have this warped relief that for once its not me being badly ill. I quite enjoy being the carer rather than the one needing to be cared for!
I cant help but admit there is a quiet buzz that im eating and drinking whilst the other is suffering and having to go without. Mark said he understands lol But in seriousness the amount of years ive been sick it really is a relief its not yourself for once going through the mill!
Having said all that strife! lol I want to thank all my friends who i swapped cards and gifts with. I usually post my cards and gifts but im not at tims at the moment to do that and time is passing.
Without my friends here life would definately be much worse! lol
I thought alot of my friends cards were very pretty and alot did handmade ones to.
Laura your box of snowballs amongst my gifts was a nice touch and i did intend on doing a write up to thank you for my glittery vibrater and intended on doing a post insinuating its usage but recent events put flop to such jokey posts so il thank you for the pretty vibrator lava lamp instead heh and your other useful thoughtful gifts!
katy aswell for your gifts and beautiful handmade card with pheobe on, i intended on posting that aswell and maybe i will sometime.
susan for your lovely gifts and photo card i love having a professionaly talented friend
joolz's card was gorgeous and i hoped shed do her artwork for me to :-)
tracy for your gifts, diane for gift and card, maria, shula, arwen, monique, jackie, lisa *dont know which one* for the pretty cards, mark for your gifts to which i acted like a bitch at the time but glad you see past that side of me LOL but i do sometimes see past the bastard side of you to LOL ;-*
Im sorry mark we had a more awful one this year i will try and sound like DEL BOY and said 'THIS TIME NEXT YEAR' in quarter of belief, and thats better than no belief whatsoever! :=0
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extinctfables
 | 02:04 pm - Interesting Year!
Hallo!
I have had a very interesting year, and good in many ways. (Ta very much, you know who you are ;)).
This year I intend to be even better. Having managed to sort myself out with somewhere to live and a long term job, I can now start seriously looking at clearing my debts (yeah you herd me, and it *will* happen).
On better news I intend to get new kit for next year and get to some more events (as well as running the feckin AWESOME ones I have in store (www.wyvernstales.co.uk (why pass up a perfectly good chance to plug?)).
So here is the list:
Put money aside to pay of debts. Long process, and work in progress.
Start the process for learning to drive.
Get a passport (still want to get out of the country for a little while, prague looks nice!)
Buy a new spear, with a shield, some new costume (as mine is getting very...worn....) etc.
Get to some new systems (I am looking at getting more into RoC, Seaxe and Sorcery and despite my missgivings I may even try DragonLore and the starwars/stargate larp. Also, thinking of two big systems that I have done before but am thinking of going back to: ScurvyScum and Curious Pastimes).
And with all that and seeing in my 30th birthday with loony aplomb AND losing weight, it looks like it could be quite an... interesting year! ;))
Be seeing you all! ;)
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Cutthroat Island
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December 26th, 2009
moonhot97
| 07:24 pm
A peaceful, quiet Christmas yesterday. Got the book Ten Years of talkSport from the parents and spent much of the day reading that, in between watching telly and overindulging in the nibbles.
My cold is still clinging on grimly and at lunch time today a throbbing headache came on. A Paracetamol seemed to do the trick for the time being.
Over to Westleigh Park for Hawks v Woking. Greeted in the clubhouse by the sad news that Pete, one of our best known fans, had died this morning; there was a minute of silence for him before kick-off. Caught up with Mark and Malc over a mixed fruit Kopparberg and went over for a chat with Steph and Angie, who were busy folding up tickets and putting them in the drum for the HawkSupport Christmas raffle.
It's not usual for radio stations to do live commentary at our home games, but BBC Radio Surrey cover all Woking's games live, so today I had the strange experience of someone doing full commentary on the match sat right behind me. As kick-off approached one of the other radio guys relayed the news that Portsmouth had lost 2-0 at West Ham, sparking a restrained little ripple of celebration among the Hawks fans nearby.
Hawks took the lead with a pile-driver from Ian Simpemba late in the first half. Just after the hour mark Woking had a player sent off for an atrocious tackle on Steve Walker, but moments later they got a penalty when Ivan Forbes brought down their right-back and Giuseppe Sole equalised. It ended 1-1 but that wasn't the end of the action; in injury time a Woking sub saw red for a bust-up with Aaron Howe, much to the disapproval of the large travelling support.
Back to the clubhouse for the raffle draw, where my headache came on again but I still managed to sink a Kopparberg. I didn't win anything.
Head OK now, touch wood.
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Tattoo by Jordin Sparks
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December 25th, 2009
mysteryfem
| 01:57 am
What id really like for christmas now is a computer hacker! yeah seriously.
If anyone knows a good reliable computer hacker send me one for christmas!
Facebook just dont reply to messages, THATS if you can get a message to them. All they do is send a computerised standard 'look at the questions and answers page' that doesnt help with any answers/solutions.
For some odd reason i cant log into my account i know my password is correct as after 20 or so attempts i got in, just the once, mind!
My email account associated with my facebook page doesnt exist anymore, so that makes it all the more complex as i cant even do the reset password option as they will only send info to that email address that i cant access.
Fuck sake technology is good but when it goes wrong, it goes REALLY wrong.
Im fretting about it because my page looks in use. Through the year old friends may contact me, add me and it will look like i am ignoring them! I will get messages that i will never know about!
So yeah computer hacker please, no need to box him/her just make sure they can do the job!
I want to get into my page! :-(
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/anksad.gif) crappy
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December 24th, 2009
moonhot97
| 04:34 pm
Went to Katherine's last night for a Christmas drink. We polished off two bottles of Cava - one white and one rosé - as we watched TOTP2 Christmas Special, The Grumpy Guide To Christmas and Never Mind The Buzzcocks. When Petula Clark appeared on TOTP2 singing her version of Twelve Days Of Christmas about all the odd jobs she had to do for the festive season, Mike observed "How naff! This wasn't the Christmas number one of 1974, was it?" I was able to confirm that no, Mud took that honour with Lonely This Christmas. Yet again TOTP2 opted for the 1993 live performance of Fairytale. Yes, it is good to hear Shane and Kirsty sing the song live, but I can't get over "you're cheap and you're haggard", and I'd love to see Auntie Beeb sling on the original 1987 appearance, or the video complete with Matt Dillon as a New York City cop, one year, both for a change and for nostalgia.
Katherine observed that her two stepchildren, both in their late teens, weren't going out partying tonight, and we reflected how different it was in our young days when Christmas Eve was the biggest night out of the year and we'd all cram into the Village Home, having had to buy tickets in advance to get in, and you'd spend most of the time queuing five deep at the bar.
Driving lesson this afternoon. Went OK apart from the parallel park, where after having to stop midway through the manoeuvre and wait for a car to pass by, I confused a long grey line blemishing the pavement with the kerb, and ended up mounting the kerb.
Merry Christmas!
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Merry Christmas Everyone by Shakin' Stevens
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mistress_fran
 | 09:16 am - Woot!
Today is payday (yeah i know) which means the last of my Xmas shopping had to happen today.
So i staggered out of Chancery Lane station at 8.20am and into M&S to buy some stuff for my lunch (as the lunch places are shut today) and some nibbles for the four of us who are working in the office today.
Then I did all of the last of my shopping and got into the office for 8.55am.
I am good!
:D I am also awake and now smell fabulous (present for myself)
La la la la laaaaaa!
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December 23rd, 2009
simon_d
 | 04:17 pm - Masquerades Update
Only 20 players spaces left so if you are intending to come book now.
Lots of cool kids will be there.... and you could be too!
(please note, invite not open to Dessie who has been made illegal at this event)
http://www.deathbadger.co.uk/booking/
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mysteryfem
 | 03:18 pm
Sorry if this offends anyone but i just read this in Mark ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) triops99's entry that he wrote today after coming out of, i gather Tescos and couldnt help but agree with his views:
Dear God
On balance, I feel that here on earth, we would have been better off if you had chosen to remain childless. By your forcing conception on some bint called Mary all those years ago ("rape" by any other name - she didnt exactly have a say in the matter), we have endured 200 years of wars and stupidity by people who are pro- or anti-you, or different ideas about you, or even whether you even exist or not. What a waste of everyones time, energy, and all to often, lives. If you are watching, then you must be laughing yourself senseless at all the crap that goes on supposedly on your behalf.
This time of year is meant to be the time when we "celebrate" the birth of that imposed son of yours. This entails everyone cramming themselves into supermarkets and buying food they wont eat, fighting into shopping centres buying presents people dont want, spending hours in queues on the roads to visit relatives they dont want to see, and sitting in front of the TV viewing pointless crap that no-one in their right mind would want to watch. And anyone who voices even the slightest dissent to this charade is branded a killjoy, as if there were anything remotely resembling "joy" in the whole fucking process. I have witnessed what can only be described as collective insanity this afternoon - all I want to do is buy the normal everyday stuff that I get every few days - but today I have to spend half an hour trying to park the car, fight with what seems to be twice the population of the town to get to the things I need (all of which have moved to make way for "festive" items), then stand like an idiot in another queue to give the supermarket my money for the priviledge of having spent an hour doing what would normally take me 15 minutes....to be served by a woman in her 60s dressed as Santa Claus and wishing me a "Very Merry Christmas". What a fucking farce.
I would like to propose to supermarkets that they insist "normal" shopping ONLY takes place in normal shopping hours, and those twats who want to stock up on the "festive" crap are required to do so between the hours of midnight and 6am. I would also like us to rethink the whole Christmas thing - if we HAVE to have it (and who else do we celebrate the birth of after 2000 years? Most people dont actually celebrate birthdays of dead people anyway)...well I suggest we do it alphabetically through the year so A&B have their Christmas in January, C&D in February and so on. That would at least reduce the crowds, although it would have the downside of there being the Christmas shit clogging shelves all year in the shops. Then again, maybe even the thickest checkout person would get tired of dressing as Santa Claus all year round.
I loathe and despise Christmas. It defines for me all that is the worst in people - forced jollity, lies and deceit about who/what we like, rampant capitalism and exploitation, and an utter suspension of anything remotely resembling sanity. It is a classic example of the monomania of the mob, cynically exloited by commercial interests. For fucks sake, even our very image of Christmas these days is a product of the Coca Cola company back in the 1930s with its hijacking of the traditional "Father Christmas" character. And what, in any case, has a big bearded bloke in red got to do with a remote impregnation in the Middle-East 2000+ years ago? How readily we suspend "normality"...in these days of obsessing about paedophiles, it is still apparantly ok to sit a child on some strange bloke in a disguise's knee while he promises them toys...and even actively encourage them to believe that it is fine if said bloke turns up in their bedroom at midnight, and that they should pretend to be asleep. Try all that in March instead of Christmas and see how far you get!
Im sorry if anyone seriously enjoys Christmas, and believes in the story and all the stuff that goes with it. Maybe I had a negative message drummed into me from an early age, and never quite had cause to feel any different about it since. But this year has been truly shit and the idea of finishing it off with anything celebratory rings so hollow that I can barely believe Im engaging with it. I do so because there are good enough reasons to try and make something, however small and transitory, of the day despite the fact that outside in the wider world everyone else is going totally insane. The suicide rate at Christmas is apparantly no higher than the rest of the year contrary to popular belief...but I can only believe that the reason it isnt is because people cant be arsed to stand in queues in the shops to buy the necessary bulk quantities of paracetemol.
So, god, my message to you at this time of year is to do us all a favour. We didnt ask for you in our lives in the first place - we were perfectly happy being pagans, and sacrificing virgins to the sun or whatever - and we certainly see far more distress and aggravation in the world as a result of your selfishly forcing your sperm onto some unsuspecting woman all those years ago. If you ever feel the urge to do anything like it again, please just have a wank or at least use a condom. Spare us the consequences of your sexual appetites and the havoc caused by your offspring.....and we will all be much, MUCH, happier.
Only thing is, although i agree with marks views i still get pissed off inside that all my life ive only ever been with people who dont like/care about christmas. As a child my dad wouldnt let us have decorations up as he didnt want pins in the ceiling and therefore with crappy attitude i guess it gave mum the vibe of why bother. So on decoration terms, we didnt.
At a guess the only reason i had christmas dinner was because we went up my nans but then we went up my nans every fortnight for a roast dinner and for the day anyway.
Since those days all the family has split. My dad goes up his brothers my mum is usually working. I go with tim or mark for the day. And guess what, those two gits cant be arsed with christmas either! :-( lol
The last years tim and i have had a tree up but that was for christopher *tims son* but even then its noticable for tim its a chore. More work of tack shoved up only to be pulled down again and just for 'whats expected of this time of years view' just so that its not totally cruddy! lol
Mark and i havent even got anything to eat for christmas day yet and i was meant to meet up with him today to see what we can get but to be quite frank now i have just seen his post i dont think i wanna frigging bother! Even if i do agree with his words and half laughing lol Its just a late in the day as usual chore anyway.
I agree with marks views but years ago when i didnt have much of a christmas then *though admitedly always got lots of toys *I guess that was the easy bit for my mum and dad to do buy lots of toys and thats done*.
I use to think that oneday id have my own home and the person i would be with would be so different from my dad and would be positive and thrive on celebrations even if not believed but to go happily with the flow. And even living and having my life with two guys, i STILL cant get that! LOL Maybe i should reel another guy in the scenario to see if hes more enthusiastic!? lol
Now im just off to ring mark to say ive copied his post to my journal im sure hel be ok about it. Then im gona tell him, sorry love im going back to bed cos i cant be arsed to shop for packet wonders and dont fancy being amongst crazy use and abuse shoppers lol
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December 22nd, 2009
auriol
 | 08:37 pm - Survey Time Again!
Hopefully without typos this time!
Can anyone speare 3 minutes answering this one, please?
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MFFXWHH
All responses greatly appreciated!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/energetic.gif) bouncy
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moonhot97
| 05:49 pm
Still hawking up the odd bit of gilbert but the worst seems over, fingers crossed.
At work this afternoon we had the surreal experience of taking down the Christmas decorations. Health & Safety strike again - they'd been unable to stomach the prospect of the paper chains, tree and bells staying up in a vacant office for a week and a half. And as I'm the only male in tomorrow, and the ladies had persuaded us men that we couldn't be so ungallant as to leave them to do any of the heavy work of taking decs down, Phil, Ray and I got down to the job today. When we'd finished Liz said she felt sad - "the place looks bare now, Christmas is over". But as only a handful of us are coming in tomorrow, there were a lot of "Merry Christmas" wishes as people said goodbye, together with several '"See you next year"s'.
Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses
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mysteryfem
| 03:39 pm
Ok now i cant get into my facebook account AND i know there are comments to my latest entry as they are showing in my email but i cant see them here! Im also still a paid account member and for a week i cant do a directory search! wtf is going on!
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mysteryfem
 | 04:55 am
Thank you to all the friends who have written alot to try and help me through my sad time over pheobe. I was really touched how so many of you wrote to try and help but also more aware of how heartbroke many of you have been aswell over your loved pets. I have had pets before and i didnt think any cat could beat my lovely tabs i once had and even though he was much loved by me to and i had him for at least 18 years i dont think i cried my eyes out over him, even though he had a bad ending aswell. *I want to write about my pets in my life another time*. Maybe i didnt cry so much or it hit me so hard because he was an outdoor cat, and my life was different back then. But before i met pheobe i never thought id find a great cat as good as my tabs! The relationship i had with pheobe was intense for all manner of reasons. It has hit me hard and i know it will take alot of time.
The house feels really empty, like a human person isnt here. I see tiny tufts of her furr still around and it makes me feel so hollow inside.
Today was the first full day ive been back at home with tim and as i sat at the computer for most of the day it became all the more real, for there was no little animal crawling upon my lap. I looked down at my knees and i could see faint scratches from where her paws had layed a week ago. They are fading.
I still see her little scratch marks from where she would jump and sit ontop of the bannister and i half joked to tim that was he sure she didnt have a fall because there were a couple of real long scratches down one side of the bannister and i was forever having to catch her as shed jump and half miss in a messy scramble.
I cant have any cats for a good few months yet. The vet had told me before that if in the future after pheobe i want cats id have to wait at least 5 months before it would be safe for another kitty to come in the house because of her virus that she would leave around. I ache to love another pet as soon as possible but at the same time im worried i wont get attached to another properly. So i do think its best to wait a while.
I couldnt help but just browse through adverts and i saw this cream daschund dog that was local. I messaged the sellar and asked if the dog liked cats as all she said was he got on well with other dogs but she didnt mention cats. When i got a reply from her she said "I dont know if pheobe likes cats or not ive never had her with them before". I thought of all the pets i could have enquired about the seller comes back answering the question, to then i find that animal is called pheobe! wow of all the animals i could have chosen i messaged about a pheobe but didnt know it!
Im not rushing in to get a dog or anything i was half wishful thinking and half curious when i saw cute animals. Ive messaged about monkeys before and knew in reality i couldnt have one. I guess on a couple of people i was a time waster!
Tim got my xmas package from webgirluk today at the post office. I sat on the bed not wanting to open the gifts until christmas but the more the package sat near me the more i couldnt resist so i compromised and thought id just open the card. I opened the card and katy had made me a handmade one and shed copied a photo of pheobe that id posted from the past and created a card that had a type chain message hanging from it saying 'puurfect pals'. I know katy sent the package before the turn of events that happened and of all the years weve swapt cards now this year was the year she made a pheobe one.
It was lovely.
Im not sure i can get into my facebook account again! I have emailed facebook but with them you never know if they are going to reply! Again ironically i had changed my password today and amongst the password i had put pheobes name. I logged in a few times with it but then i couldnt log in anymore! After 15 attempts i got in then i thought i would change the password to not have her name but i couldnt change the password as it kept telling me my password was wrong! It couldnt be wrong its what i got in with! admitedly on the 15th attempt though! I gave up with trying to change the password, it still contains pheobe but guess what, i cant get in my facebook account!!
I hope i dont lose it because i have Gamillion chips i won from poker to that account, if i have to create another one id never have the patience again to win that amount. Its the main reason i go to facebook to play poker anyway. If i cant get in then fuck the place, i find most people there lazy anyway. Not including lj friends of course.
I even feel guilty to be thinking of future pets, i cant imagine how a once husband or wife feels when they try to move on to live again and think or start dating another after they have lost their love.
Ive no intention of having a cat here for a good few months because apart from needing time to breathe i couldnt anyway because of the infection control thing. But as i just browsed at what was around and looking at some thinking how they looked a bit like pheobe i felt bad for even contemplating like she was watching someplace thinking your looking for others already!? Is that silly? :-(
I said to tim that in time i would like to try for a sphynx cat, i preferably want a girl, red/pink with few markings.
I would also want another maine coone preferably similar colour to pheobe
I would like to go to a shelter and find a non pedigree cat to bring to a home than a cage.
I think even just those 3 will be hard work to fit. I dont know how you do it so they get along. They say dont have two or more boys usually but im sure another girl would not like another girl for their looks or their better smell or something just as important! :-0
I guess i just need to post and talk about pheobe a few more times before i properly move on to day by day stuff. I need to express by putting a collections of photos together here and state still what the vets says of her bloods and of course when i bury her ashes by the pond.
I only cried once today after the whole week of almost non stop crying.
Ive had horrible dreams when i have managed to sleep. One was of me being measured in a coffin. I dont have horrible dreams like that so i know its to do with the loss of her.
I remember also that film called Pet Semetary i can understand someone wanting to dig their pet up! I dont know how people cope when they have lost a child!
I do know some people who arent into pets as such would think what a carry on over a cat! To be honest i have had similar thoughts and you just cant know until it happens to yourself because as someone said, love is love a relationship is a relationship. And its true the greater the love the greater the loss.
Pheobe for me was all that i could sincerely love. I could use the word love and know that i meant it. She enabled me to feel love. She was also the child i dont have. She was my company when people just cant be around.
Animals do heal.
Pheobe made me more well than i would be otherwise. She gave me a bit more energy to wake. She gave me someone to think about at all times. My list can go on a long way.
I really hope my love can form for another pet or few i really do need to put love somewhere.
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December 21st, 2009
moonhot97
| 06:29 pm
On hearing my sneezes at the beginning of the morning, Chris and then Sue asked "should you be here?" I'd never considered calling in sick with just a bog-standard cold; after feeling a little groggy for the first couple of hours the rest of the day wasn't too bad.
There were plenty more people around the office sneezing and coughing anyway.
During the afternoon, Sue was excited to spot snow falling outside. "It looks very festive over there against the trees." One less nice by-product of the snow was that the bus was 20 minutes late, keeping a dozen of us waiting huddled under the shelter.
Home for a hot cup of coffee.
Current Mood: snuffy
Current Music: Xmas Bubblegum Machine by the Sultans of Ping F.C.
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